Saturday, 29 December 2018 22:10
My mind is cluttered of memories and texted of how it all started
How no one gets it but everyone does
how everything gets up back to
when all that matter were the first person I thought on that very day who could make me smile from ear to ear.
how the little things do matter when you do
when you end up waiting for
wanting that texts that never came
and when it did smiling wide
when will the sun meet the moon when you are scared that something new in life will make the sunshine again but all it did its fear running down the pages that left the happiness fear in everything and nothing to lose if it is not there at the first place.
what is stopping that sun to shine right?
Fear of losing again. till the rain never stops?
yours truly
Thursday, 27 December 2018 20:03
Got to stay true to me, myself.
Maybe I am fooling myself, to believe that I am able to like you for you.
Fooling myself to think that I am worth your time.
Maybe the universe is saying something we
are meant to be a friend and nothing then.
I know I should I should try to give it a try.
But maybe I am just liking the attention from you, and I am having that caring feeling and yet nothing more. I don't know. I want to try and give it a try. that is what people well my best friends tell me. and what he told me to do, just try it out. if I don't try then I wouldn't know. I don't know, want to do honestly.
This is all very new to me. liking something and having a crush on some that are my level. I don't know the next plan of action.
what should I do?
The universe doesn't want us to meet from the day you texted me or reply and we talked on the
" 21 September 2018" .
and we talked, chatted exchange no. and talked. you help me when i am hurts. till i had a meltdown. which hurts. you are not a rebound guy, dont worry. you are not that type. and i will never make you into one.
Dear Mr. Shamin, ( if I do send this to you, it mean I care for you to hurt you or see you get hurt by me in the future. cause honestly, its too heavy for me to tell you. you should move on from me. but I want to get to know you, not thru that phone, but meet up hang out and to see if we can move on to the next level. you know. Or maybe it is not our time yet to you know meet up I am fine. we should cross path a few times but yet we didn't. it's not our time to meet maybe ONE DAY, its cliche to say I will be waiting. haha. just for laughs. our chapter has just begun. first as friends maybe more. in the future who knows, really.)
as you know, I am unsure of my feelings at this point. Am a girl well, a lady who is unsure able a lot of things in my life. I know, I should at my age. we are only 1 year different. being you, you are sure of how you are feeling and me I am not. about my life. I should move on from my current job cause my health is affected on and off. it seems like I should but I am too comfortable to not move on with a better life, that I may get in the future if I do move on. and stay in the real field that I am meant to be in. I am just too comfortable not knowing when to quit and dare myself to do something great. it's hurt for me, that I am unsure of what has become my life. I am only thinking of the now time than the future. or what will become of me?
I am unsure of my feelings for you too. like I do in my life. when you said about getting married in 2020 it honestly makes me scared more and me giving you that weird awkward laughter.
we were right I should stay friends first. but also I should give it a try.
for me slow is good, then rushing everything and regret.
I need to focus more on myself before I can let someone who I care to be around me, cause I have too much of negative thought and also think bad of myself. so I have to start loving myself before I can start loving someone. I can have you around, but my trust is hard to get by honestly, cause there is a different type of level of trust and also at times I am alone in a crowd. that feeling has always been on and off. so self-worth is questionable to me cause I am lacking it.
just being honest.
THAT IS MY LIFE
taking it slowly in my love life and finding what I really want is life.
I have a lot of besties and friends in my life. but I want someone special before I can do that I am trying to find myself. we are friends, right. hope you can understand. we can meet up and see how it goes. but I don't know how the future will turn out.
Monday, 10 December 2018 22:00
To Awak yang ku sayang .
You know that feeling when you are not ready for commitment or just not ready for big ones cause you don't know how to date or to do this whole relationship thing. but why you the person that has been on your mind this whole time. are just don't know. what to do cause you just miss him as a person. cause you click with him. and cause you can feel that your heart ache when you know that things can't be like how it use to be like. maybe its the attention, but I know. I like you too. but it's stopping me why is it. it's better if my heart aches that I want you. but am following my head. I know you have a feeling for me but you deserve better. I want you to be happy and have someone better then me.maybe that is what I am feeling. I am not enough for you. maybe I should about you.
being friends it hurts. cause I am never enough for you. I know that much now. I wish you never tell me that you like me. why am I feeling like this? why do I know that I can be there for you cause I care for you? honestly, I miss you, badly.
to the one i cared too much for.
sham <3
i will never be good enough for you.
Sunday, 23 September 2018 18:17
To those girls who run their own world.
let's be frank, things change but to be honest. nothing will change them...
how they act toward each other. they can't keep secrets with each other cause they know well that nothing can be kept between them.
nothing. cause nothing can separate them.
no one and nothing.
Honestly i was hurting that .. i made myself free on the day that i honestly want to hang out with my besties on my birthday ,but you made plans. Knowing that i am free on that day. Cause i told you about it. And when you asked me whether i wanted to join you and your friend to tagged along.. that is not what i expected ,honestly. The fact that i have to ask you out on my birthday is very sad and getting that respons. I know you might thing that they will celebrate my birthday... yeah that is right my family did but only if its the weekends.. not when its a working day. thinking that it least this year ... i finally will celebrate my birthday with you and only you. Like how we were. Just us besties. But that change fast...
I was bored and sad, but dont worried i asked my cuz to go out with me on my birthday.. ermm. I tho that when you texted me ... that your sorry .. and that youre a bad friend. I honestly wanted to reply you.. you sort of our .. cause you left me hanging ,to may it worst on my birthday.. but what for right. What for getting work up about this minor thing. Yes. Our friendship goes thru more then this. I know that nothing can break it.. cause i dont want it . So i let it go.... am at my lowest.. now where i do have to be frank with myself.. we have always been honestly . Yes i do distants myself alot. Sometimes, my minds is in a state that is too dark.. not to be dramtic. Or anything. But yeah.. this times . I want to be honest. Starting with this. Sorry for being distants or no time to hang out. Even if we dont spend time together.. when we find time. It our time. And no one elso.. we will start where we left off. You know.and that is okay ..... lately i have been on and off. With my mood. Want to be alone is an option and also not. Always in my room where i feel safe. You know. Cause there are memories here... hahaha .. so emo of me to randomly text. Its okay it how we human are .. when we feel or hurt. We have to let it out if not.. it will hurt 100 times.. if it burst out later on... i am trying not to make a big deal . I just want to make you understand that is what i am feeling. Even if i am okay something. I can crack. And broken... i am not always okay .. you know me. But then you never ask me anything else. Ermm... it fine.
Just want to tell you that . Thanks for the wish on my birthday , But your presences makes a big different. Sorry for not being there for you even if you needed me. When you are having problem. I will try my very best next time.
You know where to find me. Even if you cant find me ,text me. No problem.. oh sorry that i cant meet you this weekend. Cause i am still waiting for my pay to come in and pay the bills and then after we can hang out.. after eveything is settled. Being an adult is hard.. i want to be a kid again. Where nothing change and when mum was still here. You know. But that is life i guess. It keep going on.
Okay text me after you wake up in the morning to read this. Do take care of your self my dear besties.. never forget you are improtant to someone out there... me.. hahaah ily and imy . I will be better .. i will try my best to be there for you .am serious. Good nights may all the happiness be in your dreams. Sweet dreams. Besties and thanks for the support in spirts. During my presentation.appericate it
😘🙂
that is how i feel when i am at my lowest everything will be on suface, but dont worry cause i will forget about it after. that is weird right i know.
Monday, 16 March 2015 00:29
listening to Uptown funk (feat. bruno mars ) by Mark Ronson
This blog has too much spiderwebs in it's unwritten pages. those pages should be posted with anything. Anyways,its has been awhile that we have meet up just to hang out.
Alot has happen cause it 2015
Alot has changes too.i can't thing of anything lately.
but tmr on the 16 i got an interview at minds, for assistant training office which is at clementi. that is so far.Wish me luck for tomorrow .i am nervous as it is, my stomach is in knots.
Somehow wearing my current mood ring seems to cheer me up don't know why really,
hehethe world seem so vain, i dont really know why but it just does.
Monday, 22 July 2013 23:28
To tell you the "TRUTH":
