Thursday, 27 December 2018 20:03
Got to stay true to me, myself.
Maybe I am fooling myself, to believe that I am able to like you for you.
Fooling myself to think that I am worth your time.
Maybe the universe is saying something we
are meant to be a friend and nothing then.
I know I should I should try to give it a try.
But maybe I am just liking the attention from you, and I am having that caring feeling and yet nothing more. I don't know. I want to try and give it a try. that is what people well my best friends tell me. and what he told me to do, just try it out. if I don't try then I wouldn't know. I don't know, want to do honestly.
This is all very new to me. liking something and having a crush on some that are my level. I don't know the next plan of action.
what should I do?
The universe doesn't want us to meet from the day you texted me or reply and we talked on the
" 21 September 2018" .
and we talked, chatted exchange no. and talked. you help me when i am hurts. till i had a meltdown. which hurts. you are not a rebound guy, dont worry. you are not that type. and i will never make you into one.
Dear Mr. Shamin, ( if I do send this to you, it mean I care for you to hurt you or see you get hurt by me in the future. cause honestly, its too heavy for me to tell you. you should move on from me. but I want to get to know you, not thru that phone, but meet up hang out and to see if we can move on to the next level. you know. Or maybe it is not our time yet to you know meet up I am fine. we should cross path a few times but yet we didn't. it's not our time to meet maybe ONE DAY, its cliche to say I will be waiting. haha. just for laughs. our chapter has just begun. first as friends maybe more. in the future who knows, really.)
as you know, I am unsure of my feelings at this point. Am a girl well, a lady who is unsure able a lot of things in my life. I know, I should at my age. we are only 1 year different. being you, you are sure of how you are feeling and me I am not. about my life. I should move on from my current job cause my health is affected on and off. it seems like I should but I am too comfortable to not move on with a better life, that I may get in the future if I do move on. and stay in the real field that I am meant to be in. I am just too comfortable not knowing when to quit and dare myself to do something great. it's hurt for me, that I am unsure of what has become my life. I am only thinking of the now time than the future. or what will become of me?
I am unsure of my feelings for you too. like I do in my life. when you said about getting married in 2020 it honestly makes me scared more and me giving you that weird awkward laughter.
we were right I should stay friends first. but also I should give it a try.
for me slow is good, then rushing everything and regret.
I need to focus more on myself before I can let someone who I care to be around me, cause I have too much of negative thought and also think bad of myself. so I have to start loving myself before I can start loving someone. I can have you around, but my trust is hard to get by honestly, cause there is a different type of level of trust and also at times I am alone in a crowd. that feeling has always been on and off. so self-worth is questionable to me cause I am lacking it.
just being honest.
THAT IS MY LIFE
taking it slowly in my love life and finding what I really want is life.
I have a lot of besties and friends in my life. but I want someone special before I can do that I am trying to find myself. we are friends, right. hope you can understand. we can meet up and see how it goes. but I don't know how the future will turn out.
Monday, 10 December 2018 22:00
To Awak yang ku sayang .
You know that feeling when you are not ready for commitment or just not ready for big ones cause you don't know how to date or to do this whole relationship thing. but why you the person that has been on your mind this whole time. are just don't know. what to do cause you just miss him as a person. cause you click with him. and cause you can feel that your heart ache when you know that things can't be like how it use to be like. maybe its the attention, but I know. I like you too. but it's stopping me why is it. it's better if my heart aches that I want you. but am following my head. I know you have a feeling for me but you deserve better. I want you to be happy and have someone better then me.maybe that is what I am feeling. I am not enough for you. maybe I should about you.
being friends it hurts. cause I am never enough for you. I know that much now. I wish you never tell me that you like me. why am I feeling like this? why do I know that I can be there for you cause I care for you? honestly, I miss you, badly.
to the one i cared too much for.
sham <3
i will never be good enough for you.
